Don't Stop Believin'...

Greetings to my few viewers. HAHA

So I'm listening to "Don't Stop Believin" by the Glee Cast, wallowing in self pity.

First things first. I didn't work out today, so that's probably why I feel so yucky. And I kinda splurged on lunch, and ate like a cup of food......failure. Anyway, we'll deal with my food issues later.

Secondly, I've been entertaining second thoughts about Columbia College of Chicago. Currently, I am going to CCC for a Bachelor of Arts in Music Business Management with an emphasis in Talent Management. It's amazing, and it's cool that in two year I'll be graduating with the degree and hopefully tour around with a bunch of bands. But then again, because of this recession, my hopes and dreams are kinda slowly drifting away. I mean, everyone knows the music business is slowly dying and the DIY era is upon us. I just wish things could be easier. I mean, I'll apply for a few internships and all, but what if things don't work out? Will I have wasted four years of my life and $120,000 of money to just work at some 9-5 desk job that I hate?

Pre-med and Med School have been on the brain lately. Let's face it, I thrive on helping people. People people gives me this weird sort of unexplained satisfaction. Plus, I'm a mama bear. I could be compared the the great Dr. Bailey on Grey's Anatomy. She would the my role model, along with Hunter "Patch" Adams. Now I know what you are all thinking. This girl isn't smart enough for all the math and science it takes to become a doctor. You're probably right. I got a 16 on my ACT the first time I took it, and then a 19 the second time I took it. It's not that I'm not smart enough. My IQ is 135, I was tested last year to find out the number....so it's surely not that I'm not smart enough. It's just math is a little too complicated for my ADD brain. No, the ADD isn't a cop out. It's real. I've just been able to control it.

If I were to go to med school and pass with flying colors, I would either work at: The Geshundheit Institute created by the famous Hunter "Patch" Adams. It would be amazing to help children. Laughter is the best medicine, because for that sole moment, the child/parent isn't worried about the disease, the bills or the feeling of helplessness. I feel that once in awhile. The big ones that come to mind: My sister, Sonya, Amanda S., Amanda B., Jamie.....the important ones. I love those girls.....seriously they are all my sisters. They're my family. :)

Or, I'd work at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN and be a cancer doctor for children. I would want to give familes hope, and bring sunshine into their darkend lives. After reading "My Sister's Keeper", I would want to be the light in the darkness of a family struck with jevenile carcinoma. I'm a helper. I help people. It's what I'm best at.

Because let's face it, people will ALWAYS need doctors. Old ones die, new ones are needed to fill their places. And, with a last name like Kaiser....you should become a doctor. It sounds amazing...

Dr. Nicole E. Kaiser M.D.

Amazing. Anyway, just some of my thoughts, to keep you updated.

Peace, Love and Laughter.
NicoleVonDee.

An Evening Out With The JoBros.

Good evening.

I thought I should write a quick blog, and give you an update on my world. I know the title is misleading, but you'll understand why.

First off, congrats to me. I lost like 4 pounds! WOO HOO! YAY ME! I have lost a total of 23 pounds. I have a total of 4.5 cc's in my band, and I'm feeling great. Hopefully with continued exercise and a proper diet, I can loose 2 pounds a week instead of one.

Secondly, I had a lovely evening with the Fab Four: Me, Beusch, Brit and Jen. We had a lovely dinner, where I repeatedly was obnoxious in a public place, and made everyone laugh. We then decided to go to Target before our movie started to get some water for cheap, and I got lost. I got lost in one of the isles. So hilarious. We played marco-polo until they could find me.

Finally, I am 19 years old. I saw the Jonas Brothers 3D Concert. And let's just say that my mind was in a rather raunchy place. Shame on me, I know, but I couldn't help it. Kevin is 21. Not bad. Very handsome, very nice, and incredibly talented at guitar. Not the problem. Joe is 19. My age. No biggie, right? However, Nick is only 16. I am a pervert. Seriously. Anyway, I went and saw the concert. I clapped, and smiled and raved. It was the perfect end to a perfect evening with the girls.

This weekend will be full of relaxation, and homework. I miss you all, and I can't wait till Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out in July and then New Moon in November.

Peace, Love and Jonas.

Braveheart and my adjustment.

Hello all.

I thought I should update you all on how my adjustment is going.

First off, the only real problem is that I can't eat solid food until after 2pm. Otherwise I have a protein shake for breakfast and lunch. Don't get me wrong, its not like I throw up, it's simply that I just get way too much heart burn after I eat before 2 pm.

I don't feel like I'm loosing weight, even though I work out every other day. Granted I'm not going to a gym, but I'm doing Fitness On Demand. It's free through my cable service provider, and they have 10 minute Cardio blasts for each area: abs, arms, legs, and butt. Which is equivalent to 40 minute work outs every other day. But still, I feel like I'm not loosing much weight. Sad. Maybe I will go on a scrictly liquid diet, just to kick start the weight loss.

Third, or whatever the hell number I am on now, I really need to learn when to stop eating. I've trained my brain to feel full when my plate is empty. And I know for certain that I'm not eating the 1/2 cup of food per meal. I'm eating more. Yuck, I feel like such a failure when I eat. It's the sad truth. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all ana on ya'll, but it's just what's inside my head. I'm not feeling pressure to be thinner, I simply feel disgusting at this weight. My goal is to loose 120 pounds. I've already lost 20, so 100 to go. I know I can do better, but we'll see how things go.

I really just need some motivation right now. Any tips?

Anyway, I am watching Braveheart and Pearl Harbor at the same time. I have to have love for Braveheart. Yes, the dudes in that movie are ugly as hell, but the accents make me melt. Seriously, I would move to Scotland for 6 months to a year just to gain the accent. How cute would I sound? HAHAHA. I would love my accent, instead of regular old and boring wisconsin accent. LAMEEEEE. Pearl Harbor is cute, because of the outfits. I loved the 20's and 40's. The fashion was killer.

Alright, I'll get back to the movies. Possibly work out for a second time today...I am having a fat and ugly day. Stupid girl emotions. Anyway love you all.

Sincerely,
Me.

PS: Go see "He's Just Not That Into You".....ultimate chick flick of the year. It's adorable, plus it has some great actors in it: Justin Long, Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Ben Affleck...who was by far very cool in this movie. After the whole JLo thing, he fell apart and his street cred went down the toilet. HAHAH

Peace, Love and Scotland.

First Adjustment and American Idol

Good evening to you all.

Nicole here. It's been awhile since I've updated and I'm bored with commercials during American Idol, so I've decided to update quickly.

So yesterday I got my first adjustment on my Lap Band System. Originally I had 2cc's in the band. Yesterday, my lovely adorable doctor calmed me the hell down after freaking myself out because of the needle and put in another 1.5cc's. I was quite terrified of the idea of a needle stabbing me in the stomach, but then I realized that the skin would be numb...so I relaxed.

I have a total of 3.5cc's.
I've lost a total of like 20 pounds I think.

I just can't wait to go back to school and get into a gym again to work out hardcore. It will be nice to work out with Amanda again and feel the burn...literally.

As for American Idol. People...listen up. If you think you can sing well, you probably can't. I think that the pre-round of American Idol (even before you get infront of Paula, Randy, Simon and Kara) those pre-round judges put the worst people through just to entertain the real judges. I would put the worst people through just to be mean. HAHAHA.

Anyway, just a little update. I better go pay attention to "Lie To Me" my new favorite TV Shows.

Sincerely,
Me.

First Pre-Op Appointment

Hello again.

I apologize for not writing lately. I've still been a little loopy from the medicine they gave me in the hospital. I miss you all...even though no one reads this. It's nice to be able to get stuff out of my head and onto paper. It helps me think.

Anyway, I was weighed in at 125.9 kg on December 16, 2008 at 8am.
Today, I weighed in at 119.5 kg on December 23, 2008 at 1pm.
All in all, I've lost a total of 15 lbs. Pretty exciting huh? I mean, it makes me feel like the band is actually working.

Oddly enough, I bought a pair of sweat pants on Monday December 15th, 2008. Size XL. Normally I would wear a size XXL, but I thought that these XL's might look better and fit better. I tried them on when I went home and thery were a smidge too tight. I tried them on today, because I had no other clean clothes and they fit perfectly. Not too tight and not too loose. *Jump for joy*.

Anyway, things are going well. The only pain I have is in my left shoulder and where the port is. But, my lovely doctor promised it would go away in due time. I'm so excited this is on it's way.

TTFN. (Ta ta for now.)
-Me.

My Life As A Movie...(rant).

Hello all.

Today was rough. Talk about some interoffice drama, or whatever the hell you would call it.

My day today had to make the top ten list of "Worst Days Ever". It all unfolded like this:

I wake up around 8AM, quickly get dressed and go wake up my mom, because she was coming with me. Today was supposed to be my pre-op appintment, and maybe it was, but it sure itsn't how I imagined things going today. We leave the house at 8:45, and arrive at the doctor's office at 9:25, five minutes to spare to quickly get into the waiting room. A nurse takes my weight and height (I gained like 4 pounds! Stupid stress of finals). The appointment goes quite well until I start asking about the details of where I need to be for my surgery. A doctor calls the surgeon that is performing my LapBand surgery, and she takes time out of her day to meet with me, which was very nice. It was reassuring to see her, comsidering my surgery is four days away (or at least I hope so). So the surgeon sits down, and asks my mom if she is doing well. Then, as if I were in my own movie about my life, I hear these five words.

"I have some bad news . . . " **My breath is caught in my throat** "We cannot perform the surgery on the 16th." **Drop atomic bomb now, and begin babbling brook of tears**.

For whatever reason, the assistant surgeon called last night and was like, "Yeah, can't do it." And I've been on the surgery board for 4 MONTHS!!! It's not like I called last week and was all "Yes, I'd like to get surgery next week, can you pencil me in?" NO, I was on the board for 4 MONTHS!!! And it irritates me because he canceled 4 friggen days before? Oh hell no! Meanwhile the other surgeon is talking to me, but I swear it's like a movie. She was talking, but I zoned out and only heard mumbles. The world became blurry for what felt like forever. I've never cried so hard in my life. I would have rather been not accepted for the surgery, than for them to be like, "You're accepted, but just kidding we can't do it until the 31st of December." I was angry, sad, drained and above all frustrated. I mean, c'mon...I failed my accounting class for the doctor appointments. I wasn't about to get pushed back another 2 weeks. I thought my mom was going to blow a gasket. I felt like I was being let down, and I didn't matter to the assistant surgeon. It SUCKS!

So my psychologist, mr. head of the program, goes AWOL on everyone's ass, and the shit really starts to hit the fan. I could tell he was just as mad as we were, and that he was on my side. And I really appreciated that. He was making calls and pulling strings like it was his job, oh wait it kinda is...in dire emergency like this. And he went straight to the top. What now bitches, mr. head of the program calls up his pal, the 2nd in command and guess what....he's on my side too! It made me happy to hear that he would press for the 20th, if the surgery couldn't happen on the 16th.

Long story short, my physchologist calls me up and is all, "I'm 95% sure it'll be on Tuesday. Don't hold me to it yet, because we still have to contact a few people, but as on now plan for Tuesday. I'll call you on Monday if that changes."

Seriously, I left the hospital at 3:30pm. I spent six hours of my life there. And as if it wasn't enough, I cried enough tears to grow an abundance of crops with. I wish I could have known what was more important than me. Because it better have been good like: E.D., a death in the family or a pipe bomb in my basement toilet. Or maybe something crazy like he's attending a trekkie gathering or something that at least is more valuable than my health.

Okay, enough ranting. I hope I didn't scare you away, but you did read this far. I applaud you for reading this far. It was a very weird, rough day. I should really be my own Discovery Channel Special, because this kind of stuff only happens in the movies.

Cross your fingers!
-Me.

T'was the Night Before Banding...

I LOVED this poem!!

T'was the night before Banding,
when all through my gut
not a morsel was stirring,
not even a nut.

The suitcase was packed by the back door with care,
in hopes that a new me would soon return there.
I lay nestled, snug in my bed
while visions of calories danced in my head;

And me in my plus size pyjamas and wrap,
had just settled in for a long restless nap.
When deep in my mind there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams to see what was the matter.

Away to my fridge I flew like a flash,
ripped open the door and drooled at the stash.
The moonlight reflecting off the beautiful snacks
gave a lustre of radiance to all on the racks.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but an array of the comfort foods I hold so dear.
With a familiar feeling of all those I'd pick,
I thought in a moment I just might be sick.

More lovely than angels their voices they came,
and they whistled and shouted and called me by name;
"Now pizza, now french fries, now chocolate galore
on cheesecake, on ice cream, on donuts and more!"

From the tip of my tongue, to the bottom of my toe,
I will miss you all more than ever you'll know.
As an addict that shakes and stirs as he sits,
I'll mourn the loss of my delectable hits.

So back to my bed I went with great haste,
and settled back down with nary a taste.

And then in an instant, in pre-op I sat,
nervously waiting to no longer be fat.
As I sat deep in thought and adjusted my gown,
in came my surgeon in one single bound.

He was dressed all in scrubs, from his head to his feet
and he seemed very calm as he eyed me like meat.
He looked at my chart, with his scope gave a listen;
I don't think he noticed my eyes start to glisten.

He was chubby and plump he could lose some himself,
and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke barely a word as he prepped for his work,
he paused for a moment, then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger aside of his face,
and giving a nod, out of the room he did race.

He checked in the next day, to his students gave a whistle,
and away they all flew like a down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim as he walked out of sight,
"speedy thinness to you and a healthier life!"