A very merry unbirthday to all of you.
I've recently been obsessed with the 'Almost Alice' soundtrack and 'Alice in Wonderland' score, not because of the amazing music or the smooth melodies that take me to my own Wonderland, but because I find myself thinking about my own personal Wonderland, and if I'll ever be "the right Nicole"....see the movie to understand.
Am I growing up to be the person I'm supposed to be? Am I on the right path? Then again, I've believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast...just like Alice Kingsley.
Sometimes I get this feeling like I should be doing something greater with my life. My three greatest fears? Drowning, the Dark, and not being remembered past my death. I just want to prove the world wrong, prove to myself that I am the right Nicole...or am I?
My sister is turning 18 in a couple weeks. She's actually going to college with a financially smart head on her shoulders. She saves up her money, whilst I spend mine. I sometimes feel like I'm somehow letting her down. Of all the important people in my life, I want her to be the most proud of me. She's my whole world, and she's growing up to be such an amazing young lady. I can't wait to give her all her presents. They'll be amazing!
School is bumpy right now. I'm in this Human Sexuality class and I'm beginning to realize that I might need to lower my standards in order to find someone compatible enough. That's me...I always settle, though my mother taught me never to settle for second best. Always reach for the best. But after doing this project on the pressures in today's society to loose one's virginity...its irritating to think that most guys want a dip in the honey jar, before they try getting to know you. I'm not saying I'm ready to settle down and have kids at 20, but seriously...how come I hear all these people get surprised when I tell them I've never been on a date or had a boyfriend? My girl friends tell me I'm pretty, but I've never heard that from a guy. I know God will provide, but I just don't want to settle. The question becomes, can a boy and a girl have a non-sexual dating relationship and wait to have sex until they are married? Pfft....what am I saying?
Anyway, back to Alice in Wonderland. She fell back down her rabbit hole and returned to Wonderland to end the Red Queen's reign of terror and return the crown to the White Queen. She finally realizes she's the real Alice and must be the White Queen's champion to slay the Jabberwocky with the Vorpal sword. All I'm saying, I can't wait until I have that moment of realization that I am the real Nicole. Oh frabjous day, cahluh, cahlay.
I've got to get back to doing homework, and then possibly working out via Fitness TV. Kim Kardashian workout really is amazing. In Jesus, I'm ready to come home!
Peace, Love and OFF WITH HER HEAD!
