95/100.

ProTeam Artist Joey said I nailed the WE CARE+ and client service part. A little fine tuning on my artistry skills, but overall was given the second highest score of a 95/100.

Also loved my personality and "sparkle effect" I give my clients.

I hear the results on July 2nd. Can't wait to hear about the next round's tasks.

I am the little engine that could.

The Little Engine that Could.

As a child, this book was probably in my top 5 favorites. I used to think I was that little engine huffing up the mountain to get the circus animals to the next town. I liked the idea of people needing my help, and relying on me to get the job done.

Seems Mom was right again in reading me this book every time I asked as a child. She was preparing me for the part of my life where she wouldn't be on the earth. It's kind of beautiful how she's still here for me, even though I cannot see her. But I feel her, in the wind, and in my my smile and in the sounds within any Foster the People song.

That little engine did. Just as I will at the tryouts tomorrow. I will pass with flying concept colors. I'm going to get on the Pro Team.

I am the little engine that could.

This is the beginning of my next chapter and my rise to success. Watch out world, I am getting in the 2012 Pro Beauty Team. I will make the world a more beautiful place.

I am the little engine that could.

Almost.

Two minutes until I turn 23. blink 182 was wrong, I still have friends that love me.

Here we go...

It's all happening now.

August 2012. Get ready for sunshine.

Operation Sunshine.

I need your sun immediately. Send me an opening opportunity to spread my wings and fly west.

What I really need is a change of scenery. The skyline doesn't get me excited like it used to. I no longer feel like I'm apart of this place.

Hopefully in the next few months I'll be breathing in the sunshine, instead of dreaming about it.

Here we come.

Joyrides in an Audi A3.

Something about the way an Audi purrs on LSD* at 4am. Especially when Foster The People's record "Torches" is on max volume. It's like a break from reality. It's just like Heaven.

*LSD = Lake Shore Drive

Pleasant Dreams.

Life without TV.

I feel like I'm back in the old days when TV's weren't invented yet. Those people used to just listen to music and that was entertainment!!!

Ahh yes, here's my jam.

Percy Sledge Pandora radio. This is heavenly.

Oh God, I know this feeling.

Taffy-Molasses Heart.

Fuck.

Why do I do this to myself?

He doesn't want me. He's made it oh so clear. So why has he been on my mind for the last week straight? Why can't I stop myself? Why does it have to be him? Why can't it be a guy that I've never met and will never get to meet?

Feels awesome and painful at the same time.

Who's afraid of the big bad Wolf?

Ahhwoooooo!

Me.

Howl at the moon!

If I were still friends with a certain Wolf, I would want to text him: "I'm howling at the moon tonight. AahhWooo!"

God, he's still all I can think about. And every single Smashing Pumpkins song reminds me of his stupid little smirk when he's playing guitar.

Fuck him. He lost his chance.

I got too close to the Wolf and I got bitten.

Operation Sunshine.

June 2012.

This is real.

Mom would be so proud!!!

PS: In four months, I get to hang out with my idol on my turf. It's all happening now.

Heart song.

"These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding.

I wanna send him this song, because it says everything I'm thinking.

#kindergartencrush

Boredom.

I'm so bored, I'm bored of boredom. What a vicious cycle.

Options to kill boredom:
1. Eat something.
2. Read "Blue Like Jazz" while listening to the Otis Redding Pandora station.
3. Clean my bathroom, although I'm not pissed off enough to clean.
4. Listen to the Damien Rice Pandora station and cry, because everyone needs a random good cry.
5. Watch 'Almost Famous' or 'Pirate Radio' and wish I was living the music I listen to, like I used to.
6. Google dry-styles for work tomorrow while listening to Otis Redding.
7. Meditate and do breathing exercises to center and zen myself.
8. Take an extra long shower and give myself a facial/pedicure.
9. Make a 2012 Bucket List.
10. Think about that certain someone that makes me smile at the moment.

These are all very great ideas. See what the mind can come up with when pressed?

The Goddess and the Grocer.

Tonight he delivered my food again. Two songs played during our encounter at my doorstep.

1. "I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)" by Otis Redding
2. "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Michael Bolton.

Everyone knows how I feel about Otis. He's my soother of the soul. He sings the blues and turmoil away for me. It was magic.

He kissed my head and hugged me. The hug was captivating as per usual, but the kiss was unexpected and electric. And to top it all off, Otis was our soundtrack.

#kingergartencrush

The Secret.

If you dream it, you achieve it.

Ask.
Visualize.
Believe.
Receive.

When I was little I would play doctor. With a last name like mine, why wouldn't I want to wear a white lab coat for 80 hours a week? Was just thinking about that.