"These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding.
I wanna send him this song, because it says everything I'm thinking.
#kindergartencrush
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Boredom.
I'm so bored, I'm bored of boredom. What a vicious cycle.
Options to kill boredom:
1. Eat something.
2. Read "Blue Like Jazz" while listening to the Otis Redding Pandora station.
3. Clean my bathroom, although I'm not pissed off enough to clean.
4. Listen to the Damien Rice Pandora station and cry, because everyone needs a random good cry.
5. Watch 'Almost Famous' or 'Pirate Radio' and wish I was living the music I listen to, like I used to.
6. Google dry-styles for work tomorrow while listening to Otis Redding.
7. Meditate and do breathing exercises to center and zen myself.
8. Take an extra long shower and give myself a facial/pedicure.
9. Make a 2012 Bucket List.
10. Think about that certain someone that makes me smile at the moment.
These are all very great ideas. See what the mind can come up with when pressed?
Options to kill boredom:
1. Eat something.
2. Read "Blue Like Jazz" while listening to the Otis Redding Pandora station.
3. Clean my bathroom, although I'm not pissed off enough to clean.
4. Listen to the Damien Rice Pandora station and cry, because everyone needs a random good cry.
5. Watch 'Almost Famous' or 'Pirate Radio' and wish I was living the music I listen to, like I used to.
6. Google dry-styles for work tomorrow while listening to Otis Redding.
7. Meditate and do breathing exercises to center and zen myself.
8. Take an extra long shower and give myself a facial/pedicure.
9. Make a 2012 Bucket List.
10. Think about that certain someone that makes me smile at the moment.
These are all very great ideas. See what the mind can come up with when pressed?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Goddess and the Grocer.
Tonight he delivered my food again. Two songs played during our encounter at my doorstep.
1. "I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)" by Otis Redding
2. "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Michael Bolton.
Everyone knows how I feel about Otis. He's my soother of the soul. He sings the blues and turmoil away for me. It was magic.
He kissed my head and hugged me. The hug was captivating as per usual, but the kiss was unexpected and electric. And to top it all off, Otis was our soundtrack.
#kingergartencrush
1. "I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)" by Otis Redding
2. "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Michael Bolton.
Everyone knows how I feel about Otis. He's my soother of the soul. He sings the blues and turmoil away for me. It was magic.
He kissed my head and hugged me. The hug was captivating as per usual, but the kiss was unexpected and electric. And to top it all off, Otis was our soundtrack.
#kingergartencrush
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Secret.
If you dream it, you achieve it.
Ask.
Visualize.
Believe.
Receive.
When I was little I would play doctor. With a last name like mine, why wouldn't I want to wear a white lab coat for 80 hours a week? Was just thinking about that.
Ask.
Visualize.
Believe.
Receive.
When I was little I would play doctor. With a last name like mine, why wouldn't I want to wear a white lab coat for 80 hours a week? Was just thinking about that.
Friday, September 2, 2011
He IS listening.
Alright Papa, You were listening.... "When I am silent, I am listening. Not abandoning."
About 20 minutes after my last post, I got a message from an old friend with three simple words:
"I just whisper".
I got the chills too.
I cried with my roommate/best friend for an hour about mom. It was good. It felt good to cry. So good I took selfsies? God put her into my life for a reason. You know what? I think we are going to be okay. I think.
"Ruin is the road to recovery and rebirth."
Alright Papa...
"I'm from Missouri, show me..."
About 20 minutes after my last post, I got a message from an old friend with three simple words:
"I just whisper".
I got the chills too.
I cried with my roommate/best friend for an hour about mom. It was good. It felt good to cry. So good I took selfsies? God put her into my life for a reason. You know what? I think we are going to be okay. I think.
"Ruin is the road to recovery and rebirth."
Alright Papa...
"I'm from Missouri, show me..."
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
"Time for Yohe" Between the Trees
I know this sounds crazy, but I saw mom twice in one day in the actions and glassware of a single person. It really freaked me out and I was taken off guard. One time is whatever, but two? Now that has to mean something. He knows who he is. I suppose this is the only place I can tell my secrets and no one will judge me, right? Well then, here is goes:
Dear Deuce Two,
You reminded me of my mother twice today. I felt safe and secure for the first time since she told me she was sick back in November. I wish you could know how much I thank you for these two little reminders of mom's. She promised she would always be with me, and I'm starting to realize it's true...she's simply gone from my sight.
The "Show-Me State" thing was something I heard a lot growing up. I was a difficult and impulsive child. When I told her I would think before I acted when I got in trouble, she would say, "I'm from Missouri. The 'show me' state!" I got it trouble a lot, and she always said, "Nicole, I'm from Missouri. Show me." It's like she was sitting right there with us at dinner. Do you know what I wouldn't give to have one more dinner with her? One more smile? One more "show me"?
Your water glasses were the same kind I grew up watching mom drink out of. Crushed ice, water line hitting the top of the arch. We would call it MW, pronounced: "M-Dub" it was shortened from "Mom's Water". MW was always the coldest and best tasting water in the house. Even up until the night before her death when I said, "See you soon, beautiful." And drove back to Chicago to switch vehicles to drive back the next morning. But no, she decided she was finally ready to run and jump and embrace Papa's outstretched arms. I'm so jealous she gets to get hang out with Papa everyday.
The burden of The Great Sadness was lifted and void for those two moments. It was the two most secure and safe moments I've felt in a long long time. So thank you, because up until those two moments today I forgot what "normal" and true happiness free of the burden felt like. It felt so soothing to feel something other than being numb all the time. Those two moments I didn't have to "fake it to make it", I was happy all on my own. It was peaceful.
Thank you.
Your favorite E-waüLLLk,
Niki.
***********************
This may be baby step one to beginning to deal with mom's passing. This could be my time to weep, this could be my time to mourn. No, not yet a time to build up, just the beginning of my time to tear down old walls.
One hour at a time. Just breathe. Mom's strength is in me.
Papa, I need you. Didn't you say, "When I am silent, I am listening. Not abandoning."?
Alright Papa, guess what?
I'm from Missouri.
Show me.
--Nicole
Dear Deuce Two,
You reminded me of my mother twice today. I felt safe and secure for the first time since she told me she was sick back in November. I wish you could know how much I thank you for these two little reminders of mom's. She promised she would always be with me, and I'm starting to realize it's true...she's simply gone from my sight.
The "Show-Me State" thing was something I heard a lot growing up. I was a difficult and impulsive child. When I told her I would think before I acted when I got in trouble, she would say, "I'm from Missouri. The 'show me' state!" I got it trouble a lot, and she always said, "Nicole, I'm from Missouri. Show me." It's like she was sitting right there with us at dinner. Do you know what I wouldn't give to have one more dinner with her? One more smile? One more "show me"?
Your water glasses were the same kind I grew up watching mom drink out of. Crushed ice, water line hitting the top of the arch. We would call it MW, pronounced: "M-Dub" it was shortened from "Mom's Water". MW was always the coldest and best tasting water in the house. Even up until the night before her death when I said, "See you soon, beautiful." And drove back to Chicago to switch vehicles to drive back the next morning. But no, she decided she was finally ready to run and jump and embrace Papa's outstretched arms. I'm so jealous she gets to get hang out with Papa everyday.
The burden of The Great Sadness was lifted and void for those two moments. It was the two most secure and safe moments I've felt in a long long time. So thank you, because up until those two moments today I forgot what "normal" and true happiness free of the burden felt like. It felt so soothing to feel something other than being numb all the time. Those two moments I didn't have to "fake it to make it", I was happy all on my own. It was peaceful.
Thank you.
Your favorite E-waüLLLk,
Niki.
***********************
This may be baby step one to beginning to deal with mom's passing. This could be my time to weep, this could be my time to mourn. No, not yet a time to build up, just the beginning of my time to tear down old walls.
One hour at a time. Just breathe. Mom's strength is in me.
Papa, I need you. Didn't you say, "When I am silent, I am listening. Not abandoning."?
Alright Papa, guess what?
I'm from Missouri.
Show me.
--Nicole
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